Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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