I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
