he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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