I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
