but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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