...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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