It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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