so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
And then he peed in my hair
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