but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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