tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
