Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just cropdusted the office
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
