okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
