had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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