tell your sister to shave her snatch
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
