I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
