I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Come see our sink grown plant.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
