Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
