Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
