He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
