dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
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No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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