Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why do cheetos always look like penises
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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