weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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