she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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