Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Bring me that man meat
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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