hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
