i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
