I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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