Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
