I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
