he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Enjoy the penises
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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