He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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