Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you remember whose house we're in?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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