Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
