I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
