I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
