i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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