How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
