respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
