First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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