I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
