ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
