I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The uberlube is also flammable
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
