You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
