Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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