I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
