U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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