the condom got lost in my hair
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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