You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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