Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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