that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
