i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
