I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
