if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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