i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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