the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
