The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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