I wish I could punch you in the face.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
