Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
