And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
