my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
