My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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