alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
