i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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