Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
