Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
